I know there are a lot of prospective adoptive parents out there. I’m sure most of them are, at heart, good people who would truly love a child. But there are some things that I’ve seen consistently that you just shouldn’t do.
If there is a major issue that you know will be a concern, don’t wait until 3-4 weeks into talking to discuss it. I’m talking about speaking to two expectant mothers, due around the same time, about adopting simultaneously, while knowing that your agency has a problem with this.
Be up front with what it is you want. Look, I know you want to get as many mothers contacting you as possible, because most of the contacts aren’t going to work out. But if you’re not going to accept my child anyway, I’d rather know that now, then find out after I pour out my life story to you. This is emotional for me, too, and I end up feeling like you’ve rejected both me and my child, and it would have been easier on everyone if you had just put this information in your profile to start with.
Finally, don’t force the expectant mother to come up with everything to say on the first few contacts. I’m scared, I’m ashamed, I’m feeling awkward, and I’m the one sending out letters saying “hi, I’m going to have a baby, are you interested?” I know it’s not easy on you, you’re being judged too – but you’ve been preparing for this for months or years. Sound welcoming, inviting, and help me through the periods where I want to just curl up and hide from everything.
I’ll close with a suggestion. There are a lot of parents out there who have written a blog about their adoption experiences. Write one about your experiences trying to adopt. Use it as a window into what your life is like, your thoughts and feelings. I guarantee you, if I came across a blog like this one of a family looking to adopt, I would be falling over myself to contact them.
