So I have this patch of skin, about the size of a silver dollar, that feels like it’s vibrating. It’s a sporadic feeling, but it’s…disconcerting.
This morning, when I went in to shower, I felt huge. I’ve never felt so pregnant, bloated, and awkward in my life. It isn’t a feeling that has really gone away. It’s depressing. I have such a hard time reading any websites or books about pregnancy – they all talk about the support that a partner will/should give, the role of the father, things your friends and family can do for you. Where are all the resources that talk about what to do when you’re alone, when the only people who know about your pregnancy are the ones hoping to take the child that will result? Where are the lists of how to cope with labor when you won’t have anyone to ask to come into the delivery room with you? No one talks about the logistics of getting to a hospital when you don’t have a car or anyone to take you.
The adoption agencies are more harm than help. Yes, thank you, I recognize you want medical verification of the pregnancy. I can even understand WHY you want that. However, let me suggest that you consider my circumstances. I currently have $70 to live on between now and when I get paid (on the 23rd) plus whatever time it takes the bank to make those funds available for deposit. That has to pay for food, public transportation, and anything else that comes up. My health insurance should be kicking in soon, but prior to this, I had no insurance, no transportation, and couldn’t get on the state medicaid programs. Now, I’m supposed to make it to the doctor in between working full time and looking for a place to live before my current living situation expires on Saturday. If what I wanted was a 1-800 # you pulled off the internet (one staffed by rude and utterly unhelpful people, I might add), I would have gotten it myself (and in fact, already had).
I haven’t asked for a single thing from anyone to help me get through this pregnancy, and I’m okay with that. But it’s hard having it thrown in my face everywhere I look.
Dawn Said:
on November 12, 2007 at 8:20 pm
I’m feeling worried about you. I’m pro-choice so I say this with trepidation but have you thought about hooking up with a crisis pregnancy center just to get yourself some help right now? Some of them are awful but some of them are run by good people. You deserve support and help.
Nanna Said:
on November 12, 2007 at 8:54 pm
I just wanted to send you lots of ((hugs)), stay strong and be kind to yourself. All the best for the birth, and especially afterwards. Love Nanna xx
Ibex Said:
on November 16, 2007 at 6:37 pm
Found your blog today from Dawn’s Open Adoption Support website. Just wanted to send you a psychic hug and tell you there was someone else out there inthe world who is thinking about you and caring. And is not asking for anything in return. I wish I could do comething concrete to be supportive.
Sending you so much care and strength.
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